


This Could Be The Year

by FluffyHetalianGuitarist



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: @deh-genderbent-the-musical, Alternate Universe - Connor Murphy Lives (Dear Evan Hansen), Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Everybody Lives, F/F, F/M, Gay, M/M, Nobody is Dead, but it's all genderbent, everyone except larry is gay to some extent, like almost everyone is gay, my designs and names and backstories please don't take them, original takes on the characters, so much gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 13:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14832848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyHetalianGuitarist/pseuds/FluffyHetalianGuitarist
Summary: a collection of oneshots, maybe sometimes more? for the blog @deh-genderbent-the-musical on tumblr, which i own!!





	This Could Be The Year

**Author's Note:**

> Karliah - Connor  
> Evie - Evan  
> Jenni - Jared  
> Cory - Cynthia  
> Lorelai - Larry  
> Xander - Zoe  
> Alan - Alana (pending a better name)  
> Hunter - Heidi

((Everyone lives/nobody dies AU, things get better AU, slightly off characterization because it’s a heccin au AU. Trigger warning for suicidal thoughts, anxiety attack (not in detail, just glossed over), depression, cutting, and drugs))

“I have an iced tea for… What is this garbage-“ Karliah turned the cup in her hand, looking at the order and squinting. “It’s for an… insanely cool Jennifer Kleinman?”   
“Oi, I’m right here!” Jenni replies, pushing herself up to make herself visible to the taller teen barista. Karliah just snorts and rolls her eyes, thrusting the cup to Jenni. “I don’t get why you keep coming back. I’ve seen you three times this week, and it’s Tuesday... The coffee’s not that good here…”  
“Yeah, why do you think I get iced tea and lemonade? Later, tall girl!” Jenni says as a farewell, lazily waving over her shoulder as she leaves the coffee shop. Karliah groans and rolls her eyes, going back to preparing orders- but never forgetting about that quirky short girl who came in every day, at least once a day, and always seemed to be a little too happy when Karliah served her.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
“Hey, Ev?”   
“Y-Yeah?”   
“What do you think love feels like?” Jenni looks to her childhood friend, raising an eyebrow. Her glasses were knocked slightly askew from lying in bed with them on, but she didn’t seem to notice.   
Evelyn turned pink, stammering inaudibly and trying to answer while avoiding eye contact. “I mean, I-I don’t- I’ve only ever had two crushes? I-Xander-Xander was my most recent one but I-but I guess it’s… It’s kinda fuzzy? Like… Your heart-your heart goes a little-a little faster, and it-I guess it feels like the world… The world’s a little… B-Brighter? And life doesn’t seem so sad and-and the world doesn’t look so corrupt because-because you have someone special with you… Sorry if-I’m sorry if that didn’t make any sense…”  
“Nah, it made more sense than anything you’ve said recently… Who was your other crush? You said Xander was your most recent one.”   
“Oh-Oh it… It was you, back when-when we were… 7 or 8? You-you were the only person who-who didn’t make fun of my stutter-stuttering or anxiety and you were-you still sorta are- my only real friend…” Evelyn admits quietly, fidgeting. “I-I’ve moved past that, don’t worry-I mean, not that you’d need to worry because we’re friends and sure it’s a little weird for friends to crush on each other but that shouldn’t really matter to us of all people because we’re- well, you’re gay, lesbian, whatever, and I’m bi, so we’re both gay to an extent and-“   
Jenni clapped her hand over Evie’s mouth. “I get it. It’s fine.” She says with a small smile. “I… I think I’m in love, then. Or at least, I’m- I like someone. I think. I don’t know her, but she’s… She’s pretty cool. She’s… Pretty, as well. Like, physically. And I- I’ve got a class with her, so I guess I’ve heard and seen her there? But she works at a local little coffee shop and… Yeah it’s-“ Jenni looked down, flustered. Evie was shocked- Jenni was usually so confident, and yet right now, she was almost afraid to continue speaking.   
“Jen, listen. If-If there’s anyone I know who can-who can ask out an almost stranger it’s-it’s you. So go! Go get her… Who is she?”   
“…”   
“Jen?”   
“…….”  
“Jennif-“  
“Karliah Murphy!” Jenni exclaimed, sighing heavily. “Karliah… Karliah Murphy. Xander’s older sister.”  
“… So wait, you’re-you’re interested in my boyfriend’s sister?... So-so technically, if both of us married Karliah and Xander… We’d be- hey, we’d be officially related! Sisters-in-law, right?” Evie asks, and Jenni raises an eyebrow. “Yeah, but you’re… You’re taking this very well?”   
“Well, yeah. Karliah may have anger-anger issues, and sometimes she seems like she’s got de-depression or something, but she seems like a-like a genuinely good person at heart. Like, she- she tries, but she doesn’t know… How? To be a good sister and daughter.”  
“What if she’s not gay enough? Like what if she doesn’t like girls?”  
“You’ll only know if you-if you try, Jen.” Evie pats her childhood friend’s shoulder comfortingly, flashing an uncertain grin.   
“You know what, you’re right! I’m going there right now.”  
“Wait, now? It’s-It’s 2AM!”  
“So? I doubt Karliah sleeps. Doesn’t seem the type. She’s always got makeup below her eyes, to cover bags. Thanks for the pep talk, Ev! I’ll see you later- I’ll either be a sobbing mess or an elated idiot!” Jenni exclaims, opening Evie’s window and cracking her usual confident grin before jumping out. Evie’s eyes widened, and she gasped as she leaned out the window to ensure her friend had made it. “I’m good!” Jenni calls from the ground, waving in the dark of the night up to the panic-stricken blonde in the window. “Thank God… Now, I guess… I guess it’s-it’s time to go get her!” Evie shouts to Jenni, smiling. God, Jenni could be an idiot- but if there was anyone who could charm an acquaintance and ask them out on a date, it was her.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
It was now 3 AM. Jenni had been having a small anxiety attack on a park bench for half an hour, as she actually had no idea where Karliah lived. She didn’t know where the Murphys lived. “Damn it, stupid, idiot, why did you think you could do this-“ She mumbled to herself, wiping the tears and feeling around for her glasses. A husky voice was heard in the distance, which only further aggravated the waves of panic rushing through her body as she fumbled to put back on her glasses and wipe her face. Why did she care? It was probably some homeless dude or some stoner or-  
Or Karliah fucking Murphy.  
“I dunno man… Whaddaya think? She’s… Cute, yeah, but I doubt… I doubt she’d care. Look. Fuck, look at me! Blood dripping off my goddamn arms, and what, I feel nothing. I’m a god. I feel no pain… What am I talking about? Fuckin- I’m no god, I’m a wreck. I’m a mess. I’m a fucking failure, as my mom continually puts it.” Karliah seemed to be talking to herself as she stumbled into the dimly lit park. The streetlight was obviously faulty, as shown by its constant flickering and overall poor lighting job.   
Jenni was frozen.   
‘Oh my God. It’s her. She’s here. Why’s she here? Is she drunk? *gasp* is she high? Does she do drugs? … Oh my God… That’s- she cut herself. Fuck. Oh, fuck. She’s fucked up. This wasn’t a good idea. Look at those cuts. Brand-new. Are those… Scars, too? Her eyes are red. Wait. Her eyes. She’s-‘ Jenni was snapped out of her panicked train of thought when Karliah’s face hovered just inches away from her own.   
“Kleinman, I said what the fuck are you doing?!” She demands gruffly, furrowing her eyebrows as she scanned the shorter teen’s face and posture. Her sleeves were down, now- she must have pulled them down before she came over. But the blood was soaking through her sweater. It was ripped- her sweater. Jenni found that interesting. Purposely ripped, or ripped through wear? Then she realized she still hadn’t answered the impatient brunette before her. “I-I uh, I came to- to the park? And I-I didn’t- I don’t feel-I had a panic attack? An anxiety attack. I don’t have anxiety. I don’t-I don’t think I do. Evie does. I think I’d know if I did? I-“   
“Shut-“ Karliah held her head, letting out a low growl. “Shut up.” She commands, cringing and stumbling backward. Jenni flinches and covers her head instinctively- something Karliah notices. “Hey. Hey, I- Fuck. I’m sorry, okay? Not… I would never… Hurt you. Sorry. I don-I wouldn’t hurt you. I-this isn’t the me you’re used to right? You’re used to ‘friendly neighborhood barista’ Karliah, aren’t you?” Karliah gives an incredulous laugh, shaking her head. “That’s not me. That’s me, desperate for money, to escape my shitty family.”  
“But your family… They’re rich… Right?”  
“Well yeah, they’re rich and my dad makes it a point to use that money regularly. But that doesn’t mean they’re good people. My dad’s obsessed with reputation, how people view us. My brother hates me. And my mom’s a bitch. She doesn’t care. She doesn’t care about me.” Karliah looks down, picking at her already chipped black nail polish.  
“I mean, yeah, that-that sounds terrible… I had no idea-“  
“Of course you didn’t. Fuckin’ hell… I hardly even know you, but here we are.” Karliah spits, laughing dryly. Jenni rubs her arm awkwardly, sighing and standing carefully, so as not to bump into Karliah.  
“Hey. Thanks for… For talking to me, I guess. I know it’s not the me that you’re used to. But, it… It’s nice, having someone other than Hansen who’s not completely terrified of me or hates me. I mean, you don’t- you don’t hate me, right?”  
“No! N-no, of course I don’t. I…” Jenni gives a sigh, looking up to the starry sky and sighing wistfully. “I like you, if anything. You’re… You’re amazing. You’re brave, you can speak your mind, your hair’s gorgeous even though I don’t think you ever brush it, and every time I come in, I notice that you brush your hair away from your eye. That one, specifically. The one with the brown patch in the top left corner.” The shorter teen stands on her tiptoes, tapping below Karliah’s right eye. Karliah’s face was beginning to flush, but it went unnoticed.   
“But I guess you don’t care, do you? Karliah Murphy, who threw a printer at the teacher in second grade. Karliah Murphy, who’s a good student when she bothers to go to school- which isn’t often. Karliah Murphy, the enigma that all freshmen have a conspiracy theory about the fact that she’s actually a god.”  
“… Karliah Murphy, who just wants a good life with someone other than her family.” Karliah adds after a moment, looking down to Jenni with a slight smile. “You’re alright, Kleinman. As for you liking me- who knows, maybe you’ve got a chance? Maybe I find your little dimples to be the cutest thing. Maybe your pixie cut with the frosted tips is adorable. Maybe I think you’re pretty cool.” She shrugs, but gives a sideways grin.   
“You may never know.” She adds, turning and stalking off, whistling to herself.   
“Wait!” Jenni calls, looking hopeful. Karliah glances over her shoulder, stopping momentarily. Jenni runs to catch up with her, pulling a sharpie from her bag. “Here.” She says quietly, writing on Karliah’s hand. Karliah reads it, and glistening tears spring to her eyes, unbidden. “… I’ll see you at school, little miss Jennifer Kleinman.” “Likewise, Ms. Karliah Murphy.”  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
The time was 4:30 AM. Karliah sat in her bed, rereading the hastily scribbled note that Jenni had left.  
‘You’re beautiful, and you don’t need to hurt yourself. I know what depression can do. But you can stop it.  
(562)-873-9045 <\- that’s me! Call me when you feel down. I don’t want to see you hurt yourself anymore.  
xoxo  
Sincerely,  
Me’

**Author's Note:**

> @deh-genderbent-the-musical on tumblr, go check it out! chat us up! we'd love to hear your thoughts. plus you can find some great genderbent artwork on there, from more than one artistic source! also- give us fanart or fic submissions, we'd love them! and we love you <3


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